answering prayers like a boss in Banff!

Posted on May 31, 2012 by Karen

Greetings from beautiful Banff, Alberta, Canada. I’m still here, but the conference part is over and I’m exhausted. I’m taking a little break in the room to relax. I know I’ll write more about the trip later, but I really just want to leave you with this: God is Goooood! God has answered my prayers for this trip like a Boss! I’m so thankful and so blessed.

Even though meeting people wasn’t REALLY the primary goal of this trip, I was worried about being lonely and not having people to do stuff with in this beautiful town. I was preparing to just suck it up and get used to being on my own, all the while praying to God that I would meet interesting people here.

Well, God had me sit beside a girl on the plane from Dallas to Calgary who is a total kindred spirit. We had so much in common that we joked we were like ‘two earths.’ Her lab accepted me as one of their own and I had fun hanging out with them during conference down time. I also met another couple of people in a lab from San Francisco by chance the first night and had fun hanging out with them today and having some deep conversations about work and life. One of them is sticking around the same length of time as me and will be on one of my flights on the way back home. I think it’s amazing how 2 of the new friends I made here are on the same flights as me on my crazy circuitous trip around North America. A lot of times I have doubts about whether events are God or coincidence. This time it is abundantly clear and feels really great.

Moreover, I also talked with the ‘important’ science people I was supposed to talk with. It went better than my wildest dreams. I was a poster competition winner (!) and my work was well received by people I thought would hate it. My research feels so off the wall compared to a lot of what is seen at conferences like this, so it feels great that big names told me they are glad people are starting to look at things in this new ‘zoomed out’ way. It was also awesome to meet people who had read and liked my paper that came out last month. I never really thought people would read and remember it.

Anyway, I feel so blessed. It feels amazing that God could answer my prayers that seem perhaps a little trivial. I feel taken care of and loved. My faith feels revitalized. And the trip isn’t over yet!

Currently I am

Posted on May 24, 2012 by Karen

…Stressed about work stuff. I feel like my lab life has been turned upside down recently. My older projects have wrapped up and everything is so new. I’m having to learn and plan new things. No one else in my lab does anything like this so it has involved a lot of reading and annoying random people in my department that I think can help me out. It’s exciting to be trusted to do these things, but I’m nervous too. When I think about all the conditions I’m testing I get a little light-headed. It’s going to be a lot of work and I just hope and pray something interesting comes out of it all! I know challenges make you a stronger person, so at least there is that.

…Addicted to Christian fiction chick lit. Lately I’ve been devouring all of Erynn Mangum’s stuff and loving it. Maybe this is the kind of stuff I shouldn’t publicly disclose on my blog (haha), but I like to keep it realz!

…Nervous and excited about Canada trip. I leave Sunday morning and I just hope the trip goes well. Mostly I hope I meet cool people to talk to. Or any people to talk to for that matter. I’m not that picky.

…Feeling like an awkward Christian. I go through bouts of this – feeling out of place in my world because of the changes I’ve made since deciding to follow Jesus.This is probably part of the reason the Christian fiction has been somewhat comforting lately. I’ve found some kind of comfort in relating to fictional characters ha. I know Jesus gives my 1000000X more than I give up, but at the same time some days the feeling of being different/weird is harder than others. I think I need to be more bold about my faith and try to be less sensitive about worldly prejudices. We’ll see how it works out.

Chick Lit Delirium

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Karen

A funny thing happens when you read 3 chick lit books in 3 days. Right now I feel like I’ve had some concentrated injection of girly-ness heroine. At work today I kept staring off in la la land, eyes dilated, with a goofy grin plastered on my face. A couple of fictional characters got engaged and I was reduced to happy tears. The Karen who is normally BAH HUMBUG in the face of romance and marriage evaporated and was replaced with some crazy eyed desperate girl. I’m glad I didn’t have much contact with eligible bachelors today because I might have totes proposed to a random dude. Especially if a random dude had been wearing flannel and/or dark plastic framed glasses. I guess thank God it’s Summer?!

Like, I have this serious urge to hug a construction worker who has muddy boots and a cozy flannel shirt that’s been washed like 60 times. Is that normal? Did I fall in love with a fictional character just now? It wouldn’t be the first time.

It kind of feels good to feel this way, but I fear it lasting too long. As I’ve written before, it’s kind of hard to be in happy-medium-optimistic-and-desiring-of-future-wedded-bliss land without taking day trips every now and then to depressed-it’s-not-happening-right-now-land or crazy-miss-independent-screw-all-guys land. I definitely have condos in all of these ‘lands.’

But, since I was just ranting about how much I hate gift registries and reading people’s blogs when they are pregnant the other day, maybe it’s nice to take a weekend getaway to ‘desperate for husband’ land. OK, desperate is a little too strong of a word. I’m not saying it’s not true, but it’s a strong word.

So hear I sit, flushed cheeks, quickened pulse, butterflies in my stomach, dreaming of flowers, and curtains, and paint samples. I think I should read something with lots of violence in it next….or maybe pride and prejudice ?

Ramblings about Change

Posted on May 5, 2012 by Karen

It’s funny how you can think you want something so badly, and then, when you start heading down a road that has some minute possibility of leading there, it’s the most terrifying thing in the world.

I suppose if you walk slowly down the path, taking the small changes as they come, it’s a lot easier. There’s a reason the good things in life are a journey. Thinking about the ending is too terrifying. When you just look at two time points, now and Then, it seems like too much change too fast. I worry about whether or not I’ll make the right decisions. It takes the journey, the iterations of give and take, to make for a not scary possibility.

It’s difficult when you’ve worked hard to reach a happy secure place to even think about causing a disturbance. Thinking about it makes me want to build a fortress around my life and heart. It makes me want to fight anything that might cause me to have to change.

So many changes are going to come though. It’s not realistic to think this way. Eventually I will probably leave Charlottesville and start a new career and life somewhere else. Eventually I will probably commit my life to someone and get married. Eventually I will probably have some chillins and…life won’t be as much about me me me as it is right now. Somewhere deep in my heart I want these things, but they terrify me too. For now I try to just say it’s ‘Future Karen’s problem’ and trust in the fact that God has changed me so much already and He’ll equip me with what i need when I need it. I know that’s true, but still. Kind of scary.

Karen says no.

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Karen

Today I am beginning the process of forcing myself to say ‘no’ to more things. In 2012 I’ve taken on a lot and also whittled down a lot. I guess, lately I have more opportunities to do awesome things and I’ve had to be more mindful of not over-extending myself.

Even being aware of the problem I’m not doing that great of a job at it. I have moments during the weekend where I feel like I’m in a bit of a frenzy of action. This weekend I was so glad that I cut a few things so I got to have much needed chill time with me, myself, and I. Lying in bed reading and being in the quiet was so nourishing to my soul.

Looking forward in the months to come this Spring I am trying to fight for my weekends – making sure there isn’t too high of a proportion of travel or intense activity in a month because I know how much that drains me. Because of this I’m painfully aware I need to say ‘no’ to a particular trip that sounds super fun. I just can’t do it all. Especially now that weekend experiments will be starting up again at a higher frequency all too soon.

I just sent an email dropping out of the 100 mile bike tour I had planned on doing in mid-June. While I’m disappointed, I know it needed to be done. When an extra-curricular activity is actually stressing you out, you know you have a bit of a problem. Hopefully I can do the similar event which is in late October and feel more encouraged and less stressed about the experience. The real goal is to be healthy, and I think going for the early event was adding unhealthiness in the form of stress and doubt.

So, hopefully I can keep mindful of this and start to feel more zen soon. I mean, I haven’t had time to paint my nails in like a month!!

Rainy Running and other fun times!

Posted on April 28, 2012 by Karen

I was awaken a little too early for my tastes this morning by a much too eager kitty cat that I happen to live with. Yahtzee the cat is just a mix of needy and adorable, so you can’t be mad at for him too long. So, not being able to go to sleep, I read, ate, and watched Grey’s anatomy before deciding I needed to do SOMETHING active today. That thought manifested into a text to a friend saying I was running at the park in one hour….this probably wouldn’t have happened if she had said no, but I find sometimes it’s easy to get people to go along with you if you have like…a definite plan. Be there or be square style.

So, as soon as she walks into my apartment it starts to rain. Pretty hard rain at that. I looked at the radar and decided there were no lightning bolts so we should just go anyway. I’m so glad we did. It was kind of epic.

I could go on and on about how great it was to feel the earth and feel part of nature and part of the bigger grander world. While those are kind of nauseating eye-roll inducing sentiments they are true too. I felt alive. Running through puddles and meadows and such in the rain and not caring about getting wet is just so fun and exhilarating. I’m also glad I got to share it with my friend.

To top it all off, I ran 5+ miles today, which I’m pretty sure is the farthest I’ve ever ran. It’s all thanks to my new minimalist shoes and new running style. I’m so glad running is finally fun and I feel like I can make progress at it without hurting myself.

Other awesome things of the day: Free yummy Taiwanese food AND HOT BUBBLE TEA

And! A surprisingly good student production of Avenue Q. Need to download me some of that soundtrack later.

I love weekends with a variety of awesome things!

Good Eats and overscheduling

Posted on April 22, 2012 by Karen

I’m feeling a little anxiety tonight and am starting to realize I may be over-extending myself. The one thing in particular I’m thinking may be wise to cut is my 100 mile bike tour in the middle of June. I think I may be pushing it with the training and I feel like I have so much stuff going on this Summer. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself. Between the training and fundraising and traveling to Canada the week before….yeah. It was a good idea, but I don’t want to feel this stress. There’s a similar event in October that seems really nice. I guess I will give myself another week to think about this. I do think I stress myself out with workouts too much. I think my plate is too full. I can’t keep this up.

This weekend I just feel like I’ve been non-stop going here and there and here and there. It felt good yesterday to just have some time to cook for the first time in weeks. As I was standing in the kitchen chopping up peppers and onions and singing along to spotify playlists I could feel the stress melting off me for a bit. Chopping really is soothing if you have all the time in the world to get it done.

I made 2 dishes that I can eat for lunches and dinners this week:

1. Hawaiian style beans and rice: A stir fry of black beans, cabbage, spinach, onion, red pepper, smoked paprika, soy sauce, and fried pineapple. This one is DELICIOUS!

2. An African inspired curry soup with red pepper, onions, tofu, curry powder, vegetable broth, coconut milk, jalapeno, and tomatoes. The tofu addition was my modification in place of adding rice. I added it like five minutes before the rest of the ingredients would be ‘done.’

Feels good to finally have some home cooked grub to eat! I love Amy’s frozen foods, but it will be nice to have a break. Both of these have been Karen approved so I totally recommend them. Both are also pretty quick (~30 min) and make a lot, which are things I look for as a busy lady.

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